yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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