Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
