oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you win again, gameday.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
