so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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