She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
