Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
