I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
