it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
