she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
