I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
