i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
