She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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