he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
