Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Boobs speak an international language.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
