whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
