is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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