ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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