i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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