Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
