She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
i out mim tonsoeep
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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