____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
