They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You have to summon your inner elephant
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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