Barsexuality is the new black.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
