I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
