party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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