Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
