my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
