Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
