Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
