Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
