Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
