fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
