First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
