I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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