You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
