maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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