Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
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