I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
My vagina is very pro this idea
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
