Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I have feelings that need drinking.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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