Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
