he wants to bone in the snuggie
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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