I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Do vagina's smell?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Let's paint friendship bongs
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize