It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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