My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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