Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
