2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize