Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
