We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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