check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
