she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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