she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize