I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
