BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
