I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
They have beer where we have blood.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
