I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
