Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
