is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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