just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
