That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
