So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
