my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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