You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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