way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
