hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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