If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
