I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
