Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
