i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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