Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize