dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
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The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
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It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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