in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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