Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
