AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
