honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Mom said you looked used
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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