i don't like sucking hair
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
